An informative review of a boat I was on - by Jared

I went on the Spirit of New Zealand today. My mate, second mate to be precise, gave me some insight into the wonderful nautical world. Firstly he told me as Second Mate he can legally pronounce people dead which I thought was pretty cool. I obviously spent the rest of the tour a legit zombie.

I asked him about the humor on the seven seas his favorite is when they have team building exercises and some wise guy says "come on guys we are all in the same boat" is his favorite bit. I wasn't sure if he was being sarcastic or not but I think the miming suicide attempts made it pretty clear.

They also only have one movie on the boat. Incidentally he knows Pirates of the Caribbean 2 off by heart.

I wasn't sure if my nose was playing tricks on me but the boys bunk room smelled a bit like fish but when a kid asked if they could go fishing during the trip he informed the kid they had no gear for fishing. Perhaps it's a secret crew activity the kids aren't supposed to know about?

I heard a rumor there was a swimming pool on board and I was surprised to find there were in fact four. One at the front one at the back and one on each side. We couldn't go swimming though I didn't see them either so I suppose they are under maintenance.

As we left the boat nearing the end of our trip my mate was swamped by women young and old all wanting to hear about life on the sea and where they could join. I was surprised to find he didn't flaunt his rank like I would have done in the same situation but I suppose when you drive a boat with a turbo the size of a small car you don't need to over overcompensate.

I left forgetting to get the wizard to cast me back to my former self which is perhaps unfortunate because I would have liked to held onto my life a little longer then I did but you know what Clive Owen says in Croupier, the movie I bought from a video store for $5 when I was hungover one day which incidentally doesn't have anything at all to do with boats or the sea, "Hold on tightly, let go lightly."

-Jared Bosecke